How about a low carb ass kicking…
I enjoy eating at subway restaurant I probably go there at least once day as it is fast and good for you, it is also chopped full of vitamin delicious. I want to fight that Jared guy though, one on one no kung fu or weapons. He’s weak now from all his weight loss and [...]
I hope you spill that coffee…
There are a lot of bad drivers out there. If you driving while talking on your cell phone, you should be pulled out of the vehicle and teabagged. It’s called hands free calling, get a headset or speaker phone, douche bag. Most humans have trouble enough driving with out distractions, throw in putting on makeup [...]
Using a sock for makeshift underwear…
I had to do my laundry today, and then realized the only people who don’t have washing machines in the Los Angeles area are Mexican families and me. There will be 3 ladies in there and each will be using a dozen machines, how big is your family that it takes twelve washing machines to [...]
Fist Fights and Fiber…
I was driving down Laurel Canyon and I seen a skirmish on the side of the road. I pulled over to watch and it was an old man fight. The best fights of them all, are when senior citizens attack. One guy was really old like in his 70s and the other looked to be [...]
Another top 5 list… Roommates any one
Top 5 annoying things roommates do: 5: Large amounts of hair in the bathroom. It accumulates any place there is a drain or water. On cold mornings I warm my feet to the pile left in front of the toilet. 4: Coming in late from a night out and they expect you to be at [...]
Loosen those diapers and shake your groove thing…
I was doing this show and it was next to this dance club for old people. Like I mean old people, I thought they were dancing but it was just their Parkinson’s keeping beat with the music, I called it the Michael J Fox trot. It was awesome, they were past the cougar years more [...]
You’ll never guess what happened…
I was on a treadmill and when I looked to my left I saw a man was carrying a monkey. They are shooting something at my gym and through power of assumptions I believe the monkey is in it. Unless the monkey is now working out at the Beverly Hills Health and Fitness, that would [...]
Spider man face…
I have to do laundry soon as I’m out of essentials and have started wearing napkins for underwear. Ok it’s not that bad but it is still an awesome temporary solution to an easily fixable problem. It’s not like I don’t have the time to do it, I just don’t want to. Top 5 things [...]
And to you some Captain Morgan kisses…
I did a show last night at a hostel and the regular host who is usually drunk and usually funny was exceptionally drunk and exceptionally not liked by the audience. I thought it was very interesting, as it was super bowl Sunday and most of the crowd was pretty close to the same stages of [...]
Enchiladas of doom…
I got food poisoning from this Mexican place called El Coyote. I haven’t been that sick in a long time. I think if you get food poisoning from a place you should be allowed to kick who ever you want from there in the balls. That would be the ultimate deterrent to having a messy [...]
