I just spent the last 2 days traveling via bus, train, airplane and automobile to get to my resting point. When using these different modes of transportation you realize the contrast in the class of people and the not always so subtle differences in behavior. From the collage of human created fragrances to the high volume personal conversations, I experienced it all and have the sore lumbar spine to prove it.

The Bus: With a mix of teenage kids, cagey drifters, and backpackers you create a stinky European social salad known as Megabus. This discount bus line boasts fairs as low as 1 pound (roughly $2 US) if booked well in advance. Unfortunately I was late booking my return train ticket leaving none available, thus adding me to this salad and into a 9 hour journey from Edinburgh Scotland to London England.

The best advice to riding a long distance bus is getting 2 seats to your self. Good tricks involve fake sleeping on the outside seat or pretending to have cold or flu like symptoms by covering yourself as well as the immediate surroundings in used tissues. I was fortunate enough in this packed bus to obtain my own seats by using a pair of mirrored sunglasses and a pissed off look. But alas as though Karma itself decided to take advantage of me in the shower, I was seated just ahead of a group of teenage actors who were loud an annoying as only actors can be.

The Train: Not a traditional train but rather the London Underground (the subway). These passenger cars took me along a 45minute journey to the Heathrow Airport. Good old public transportation, combined with ventilation technology from 2 centuries ago. The air in the subway is actually exchanged with the outside oxygen only by the motion of the train exiting the subterranean tracks. There are no fans circulation a fresh breeze, it is actually a very interesting technology and works well if you don’t mind the stuffy twice breathed environment you’re sandwiched into.

The Airplane: The revolution that has connected continents by allowing the travel of vast distances in a matter of hours. Although the seats in these winged marvels are designed to discriminate against people taller than 6 feet. And me standing a little taller than 6foot 3inches I’m like a sardine with out oil, and my knees at the mercy of the passenger in front of me with their ability to lean the seat onto my very delicate patella. Karma in this case decided to cuddle with me after its previous attack in the shower. The flight was undersold and I had an entire row to myself. So I stretched out and napped like a hobo after bender.

Tell me some of your worst travel stories via a comment below.

JU

www.JamesTheComic.com

This festival turns more into a marathon rather than a fiesta. I’m having fun but on the same note I’m glad to be headed back to the comforts of North America. Last night was the final Saturday and it was a full house with standing room only, it was a good way to wind down the fest. With only 2 shows left I find myself counting down the days like a prisoner waiting for parole, but unlike a prisoner nobody steals my pudding during lunch break.

I’m staying near a fairly large park known as the meadows. It serves as a landmark and also a giant urinal in the middle of town. Public urination does not covet one gender here and both sexes are keen on emptying their bladder. This city takes away the common social nuances that plague and slow down a normal society. With wet streaks as evidence running down the side walk you have to skip over them holding up your pant legs in some kind of new age hip hop dance I call the ankle flash.

It would probably be safe to assume that when the festival season is over they maintain a much slower pace in this lovely community. Keeping up with the Jones’s in this degree would leave to a short but fun filled life. One strange comparison is that London the biggest city in the UK has no recycling system, where as Edinburgh has a very advanced and easy to use system. It just shows you that Scottish people care about the tree there about to take a piss on.

JU

www.JamesTheComic.com

Day 25 of 26: Edinburgh Fringe Festival

The city of Edinburgh is fun but my time here is almost done. There is no need for a car in this city as it’s easy to walk every where which is great. You are never alone on a stroll as for some reason drunks are staggering around and being loud at any hour. You can use it like a signaling system; to get home you head towards the familiar argument that goes on in your neighborhood.

Edinburgh is different from London in that the party scene here goes all night. Where as in London they start right after work and by 8pm every one is so drunk they have to choose a designated walker. By the stroke of midnight they’re all at home in an artificially spinning bed.

Since I’ve been in the UK I have refused to conform to their time zone. I will continue this protest until a few changes are made. They are as follows:

Top 5 changes to be made in the UK:

1: All faucets must be changed to a single spout system. No more of this one spout for cold and one for hot. You have to play a game of hand dancing trying not to scald your fingers but still get warm enough water to work up a good lather. I would say the rest of the world is probably at least 50 years ahead in faucet technology.

2: Less confusing money. One of the biggest coins is a 10 pent piece, how weird is that? The metal to make the giant pancake size metal disc must be worth more than that. It is mostly a coin system, so when you walk around your pockets jingle and hobo’s eyes light up like a burning Christmas tree. It’s a good thing though as a picket pocket will have to follow your around for like half an hour to get even a few bucks.

3: Get some dentists in this place. The world knows that the Brits have bad teeth but really they point off aimlessly from each other like tourists lost in a dirty city.

2: Call it football or soccer I don’t give a shit but it’s a game and not a reason to turn a drinking establishment into a karaoke bar. And if you do decide to break out into a camp sing along choose something that every one knows the words to like Hotel California or The Wheels on the Bus.

1: It’s called exercise; you can’t drink every night, eat deep fried haggis and not develop a muffin top (love handles). It’s bad to say but when you talk to a girl in this country you have to focus on just one thing, I’m like “wow, you have really nice…… thumbs”. But don’t get me wrong big booties are nice.

JU

Edinburgh Festival: Day 21 of 26

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comment with a “Hell yeah” if you read these.

This city (Edinburgh) is a dangerous one if you’re on foot. Like most of Europe there is no pedestrian first laws so navigating across the street with out a cross walk is like playing a game of froger. Even the cross walks are timed so that only the fast will survive, when you see the glowing incredible hulk (walk symbol) start running. Keep in mind it probably wouldn’t hurt as much getting hit by one of these tiny European cars.

I think if I was a driver here I would appreciate the efficiency and the feeling of power that the street is yours and anybody stepping onto it is fodder. But now with out the comforts of an automobile I feel like a peasant jumping out of the way as the king comes speeding past in his carriage.

They have a show here called “Lady Boys of Bangkok” which is a cabaret act of Asian transvestites. It’s a huge traveling production that consists of around a dozen tractor trailer units and the lineups to get in are around the block. The down side of having this show is that you cant flirt with any Asian looking girls around the city unless you’re a gambler and don’t mind waking up to a San Francisco sword fight.

So with Asians of the menu I’m down to locals, as I have troubles with accents and can’t figure out if some one is from Eastern Europe or just autistic.

Day 19 of 26: Edinburgh Fringe Festival

JU

www.JamesTheComic.com

I’m in the land of redheads (Scotland) or as they call them here “gingers”. They are a fabulous people who have adapted to the weather. Their pale white skin absorbs all the rays from the one hour of sun that shines down everyday. With the ability to grab all the vitamin D (the sunshine vitamin) the gingers have ruled this area of the northern UK by maintaining normal levels of calcium and phosphorous in their blood.

Scotland technically is not a country and is still part of England; some people are jerks and like to bring it up in random conversation. It’s like if you ran into someone who had a hatchet stuck in their face, just let it go as they know its there.

This is a party city and people treat drinking more as a hobby rather than an occasional form of entertainment. Young people aren’t really discouraged from drinking and it’s not uncommon (although illegal) to see people who are 16 getting there booze on in the local pub.

Late at night you get to play hopscotch over the people passed out in front of the frequent drinking establishments. But keep in mind I’ve only been here during festival so maybe during the rest of the year they partake in literature and knit late into the night.

Day 10 of 26: Edinburgh Fringe Festival

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